Royal Thunder: Mlny Parsonz Makes Me Want to Quit Men Forever

Today I found my reason for living.

I am straight as an arrow, but with that black hair and throat tattoo, I would give up men forever. If she handed me a pair of sneakers and a cup of Kool-Aid I would put them on, drink it, and follow her until my body ceased to function.

Her name is Mlny Parsonz and she fronts the Atlanta band Royal Thunder.

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Royal Thunder. Prepare yourself.

When my friend Matt told me to look them up today I didn’t take his recommendation lightly. We both cut our teeth on Underoath’s “Cries of the Past” and bands like Poison the Well. When he told me they were like Sabbath with a Janis Joplin front, I immediately opened up Spotify and added their debut self-titled album as a playlist. Put it on the car on the way home and goddamnit if the hair on my head didn’t stand on end listening to “Sleeping Witch.”

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Oh lord Jesus, it’s a fire.

Her voice has replaced Shirley Manson’s as the sexiest sound I’ve ever heard. Royal Thunder is dark, smoldering and powerful. When they rock you want to scream along and when they slow it down you get chills.

In an NPR review, Lars Gotrich calls “Mouth of Fire” from their debut album a “revved-up Southern hard-rocker that howls like Led Zeppelin astride a psychedelic unicorn.” I’d say that’s pretty accurate.

They will also be playing songs from their 2012 album “CVI” and hopefully a few surprises.

They are playing at Masquerade here in Atlanta this Friday and guess who will be in a catatonic stupor in the front row?

Ahem.

Tickets are $16 in advance, $20 at the door. Monster Magnet is headlining.

See you there.

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