Open Letter to Latina Janitorial Staff

Note: The idea for this letter came from my very dear friend, Satan M.D.

Dear Latina Janitorial Staff at Every Corporate Job I’ve Ever Had,

Don’t think I haven’t noticed. Your judgement is wrapped so completely in apathetic boredom that it appears nonexistent but I know it’s there. I know that behind those half-lidded eyes, that gum-chewing maw, those pink Gumy Reggaeton-blasting earbuds, beneath that messy bun of hip length, gloriously lustrous and full-bodied brown hair, deep inside that cranium, you’re judging me. You’re seeing that I’m still working at 6:45 p.m. and you’re thinking, “This perra must suck at her job.”

So now I’m informing you that, on behalf of every corporate employee ever, I don’t appreciate it.

You don’t know me. Maybe I’m so dedicated to my team, my job and my impending promotion that I work twelve hours a day, sacrificing all personal needs and any shred of remaining social life. Or more realistically, maybe I spent half the day sexting that random bartender I finally heard back from and now I’m playing catch-up. Either way, there are important things afoot and I would like to attend to them sans judgment. Continue reading

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More ranting, anyone?

Since the beginning of the summer, I’ve been compiling a list of things that I absolutely hate. They are mostly social faux pas, but some do relate to Web writing. Here they are, for you reading pleasure:

  • Conversate. According to Jesse Sheidlower, editor of the OED, it is a word. Much to my dismay. Using it, however, will not make you sound smart, it will only make you sound like a fool.
  • Using the word literally too much or in the wrong context. This summer, my cousin and her Auburn Greek-life friends said the word no less than 87,000 times. Literally. If you hate it as much as I do, check out this blog that tracks the use of the word.
  • When people type “prolly” instead of “probably” in their text messages and/or on Facebook.
  • When people (girls are especially notorious for this) draw out the last letter of their words on Facebook. For example, “Pleaseeeee.” That is read as “please-y.” If you want to be whiny and annoying, pleeaase do it correctly.
  • Air quotes.
  • This is unrelated, but I can’t stand it when I’m driving and the person in front of me does the stop-and-turn. It enrages me.

For more, check out Toothpastefordinner.com

So that’s about it for now. More hateful ranting to come. If you have any questions or concerns, leave a comment and we can prolly conversate about it.