Yesterday I had plans to meet a friend for drinks at a German joint called Der Biergarten in downtown Atlanta. Not wanting to deal with downtown parking or driving after a few steinfuls, I booked an Uber to pick me up from my house in Cabbagetown. Immediately after hitting “Request UberX” the driver calls me.
“Hi! This is Jared, your Uber driver. How are you?”
“I’m good, and you?”
“I’m great. So how are you?”
Pause. “I’m fine,” I say hesitantly, having not the slightest clue what is happening.
“I wanted to ask if it’s OK if I have a friend riding with me.” No explanation as to why.
“Yeah that’s fine,” I reply. My first thought was that he’s simply giving his friend a ride somewhere and is doing double duty. My other thought was that it’s probably just two dudes riding around like we used to do when we were in high school and the only things to do were drive around, or hang out in the Walmart parking lot or in the woods. I found out immediately that it was the latter. Continue reading →
After three and a half years of living in Atlanta, I finally made it out of suburgatory and moved to the city. Not to say that my time in Chambodia wasn’t great; where else in the South can you get a car wash, a lap dance, and an authentic bowl of pho at 3 a.m.?
That said, my life has improved infinitely in the short time that I’ve been in the city. I’ve ditched the cuntadactyl of a roommate I was living with, adopted Humphrey
and threw a bitchin’ house party.
Please note that during this time I was in the longest sustained amphetamine-free blackout in personal history: roughly six and a half hours. Therefore most of this recap is a combination of speculation, pieced-together secondhand accounts, and several eyewitness reports.