Health Fist

Did she misspell that? Was it intentional? What the hell is going on and where are my pants? These are all questions you might be asking yourself at this point in time, but I am here to tell you: have no fear. All will be explained in due time.

I’ve recently started working at a company called Health First which, for those of you who aren’t familiar with Brevard County, Fla., is a large corporate non-profit hospital with facilities in Palm Bay, Melbourne, Cape Canaveral and coming in 2011, Viera.

The new digs

My first day at the hospizzle was September 7th and my ninety-day evaluation is coming up the first week in November. My supervisor

says I’m doing fine so I’m not shitting my pants just yet, but we’ll see as the time crawls nearer.

The specific department I work in (and no, I’m not wiping asses or cleaning projectile vomit off of the walls) is called Patient Business Services, or more specifically, Registration. There we register and collect money from patients coming in for outpatient labs, diagnostics, etc. But the real fun, as I’ve heard is the ER. I haven’t been trained on ER yet, but to say that you see some interesting stuff in a gross understatement.

Right now I work the front desk and my level of misanthropy grows more and more every day. The utter stupidity of the general public never ceases to amaze me. That’s not to say that I didn’t already hate people, because believe me, I did. But now it’s been confirmed.

Some days are great and some days it’s like eating a fistful of bees. On the Monday of my third week I actually sat down at my lunch table and started crying. One thing I do have to say, though is that the people I work with are pretty awesome. So that makes it better.

I’m just trying to take it one day at a time right now and adjust myself to working 50 hours a week. The one thing that keeps me going?

Is this what I want to do for the rest of my life? Absolutely not. But for right now I’d say I’ve got a pretty sweet gig.

The Life: Spring Break 2010

After the extreme fun and excitement of deleting my Myspace account, I decided to head outdoors and enjoy the beautiful Florida weather. Although the days were warm, the nights were a bit chilly and I was kicking myself for only bringing a light sweater to protect me from the 58 degree frozen tundra.

My Spring break went a little something like this:

Thursday 3/11/10: Juarez $2 happy hour margaritas, dancing, writers’ party, Congress St., closed down the Jinx, and a warm shot of well whiskey that resulted in a quick puke. Off to a good start.

Frozen Margaritas, tequila, watermelon

Pay no mind to the watermelon.

Friday 3/12/10: Drive home to Melbourne, FL.

Sunday 3/14/10: Margaritas by the pool.

pool, Florida, palm tree, palm trees

Tuesday 3/16/10: Surf day. Oz and Dave decided to paddle out.

surf boards, surf, wax, sex wax, long board

surfing, surf, Melbourne Beach, Florida

I stayed behind to catch some sun. Unfortunately the clouds came out and the wind picked up, so I shivered for the entire hour. While I was shivering, a pelican landed about eight feet away from me.

Pelican

So that was pretty cool.

Friday 3/19/10: Badfish concert, House of Blues in Orlando. Badfish is a Sublime tribute band. If you close your eyes while they’re playing, it almost sounds like Bradley Nowell is up on stage singing his heart out. What an awesome experience.

Near the end of the concert, the lead singer, Pat Downes, walked off the stage. Just when everyone was like what the fuck, Downes rolled on stage in this contraption:

I found out later that it’s called a Zorb. If you have $1300 lying around and would like to purchase me one, that would be fantastic.

Saturday 3/20/10: Oz, his cousin Terry and I headed to down Jupiter, FL (about an hour south of Melbourne) where Terry lives. For the next couple of days it was fish city.

puffer fish, Jupiter

First catch of the day: Oz caught a little puffer fish. It was cool because you could hear the fish make little sucking sounds while he puffed up to ward off the predators (us).

Red Snapper

Second catch: Terry and his beautiful red snapper.

sting ray

sting ray

Shortly after, Oz reeled in a little sting ray. The ray was pissed and was whipping that tail around left and right. [Insert Steve Irwin joke here.] To unhook him, we had to pin his barb down with a broom. He was happy to be back in the water after that ordeal.

The next day, I caught what the boys thought was a perch. I really have no idea what it was but it was fun to catch.

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I hope you enjoyed my adventures. It’s sad to think that now that I’m graduating college I’ll never have another Spring break again!