The Fall Update: Slacktober, Root Canals and Yes, More Paula Deen

Feeling pretty guilty about not posting anything since August. However, when I write 10-12 of these suckers (blog posts) a day at work it’s kind of hard to muster up the energy to get back on the computer when I get home. Most days I come home and send hateful thoughts and glances to my computer sitting innocently unused on my desk. When you work in social media, you tend to become resentful of the things that used to bring you enjoyment.

devil facebook Continue reading

It’s hot as fuck and my birthday cake has a missile launcher on it.

Now that I’m a working stiff it seems like the days drag and the weeks fly by. I can’t believe that it’s already August. What I can’t believe even more than that is that I now live in a place where there are actually seasons. In Florida the seasons go as such:

  • Winter: “Jesus fuck, it’s cold outside!” …52 degrees.
  • Spring: “Hey, it’s still pretty chilly, I think I’ll wear a sweater today” and by 11 a.m. you’re sweating and/or working with some righteous B.O.
  • Summer: Pit stains and ball sweat.
  • Fall: Certainly nothing “crisp” about fall in Florida. Picture the exact opposite of that. Continue reading

Holiday Hellride

I sit in the car as it idles. I glance down furtively at my phone as if there will be some message that reads “turn back”.

But I’ve come too far, I think to myself. So I turn the key, open the door to the biting cold and step out onto the grass. I trek up to the Wickham Park Senior Center and walk inside. I am greeted by a herd of elderly women in Christmas sweaters who shuffle about aimlessly.

“Hello there!” yells a woman in a lime green sweater. “Are you here to volunteer?”

Today is the Holiday Hayride and for some reason I am here to volunteer. “Yes, I’m Sarah. I’m signed up to work the craft table.”

“O.K. sign in on this sheet,” replies Green Sweater.

I sign in. I have no idea where I am going or what I am doing and Green Sweater senses this so she escorts me into the great room where the games and crafts are to be held. She introduces me to Mindy who checks her very important schedule and points me to my table. By the time I have finished haphazardly gluing on googly eyes to my first felt mouse, Mindy walks over.

“You wouldn’t mind working the hayride would you?” she asks.

“No, that’s fine,” I answer without thinking. She leads me outside to meet the motley crew of fellow volunteers where I introduce myself and then immediately forget each person’s name. While we walk the half-mile or so down to the hayride, I try to make small talk, but no one is feeling very chatty at the moment so I drop it.

Then it starts to rain.

I check the time on my phone for the sixth time since I’ve been there. It’s only half past five. A plump woman walks up with a cardboard box in her arms and sets it on the grass. She tells us that we are to put a baggie of sand and a flameless candle in each festive paper bag and line them along the sidewalk. This does not sound like a hayride to me. 

Obediant little volunteer that I am, I kneel down and start assembling the bags. Soon after, I notice that people and their kids have started lining up to go on the hayride. One little girl in a bright pink coat scampers over to me and kneels down at the box.

“What are you doing?” she asks.

“I’m putting these in bags,” I say holding out a bag of sand.

Without giving it a second thought she said, “I’m going to help you.”

Apparently I have no say in the matter because she started grabbing fistfuls of sand bags and thrusting them in my direction. I take a few of them and put them into paper bags and she says matter-of-factly, “We’re best friends now.” Shit, I think. This little girl is going to latch on to me like a succubus.

“Come over here now, Mikaila,” calls who I presume to be the little girl’s mother. Fortunately she obeys her mother and I am free. For now.

At six o’clock the Christmas lights come on all around the park and it is time to start loading people onto the tractor-trailer beds lined with hay bales. I am the first one onto the trailer and head to the back to sit down. And who is the second person on that trailer but the little succubus. She came straight to the back and sat so close to me she might as well have been on my lap.

“I hope you don’t mind,” said the girl’s mom.

“Not at all,” I said smiling. Get this little . . .

Just then the truck started up and we were taking off on the hayride through Florida’s own “winter wonderland.” My job was to make sure that nobody leaned on the flimsy PVC pipe railing and fell off the trailer. As I was vigilantly doing my job, the girl kept chattering on and on: “I go to big girl school and my brother’s name is Todd and it’s fun being best friends and . . .”

Suddenly, I looked down and the little monster was throwing fistfuls of hay on me!

“That’s not nice,” said the mom. The girl stopped for a few short minutes and then started throwing it again. How soon our relationship had changed.

Then the mom snatched her up and berated her quietly. The little girl started to immediately wail at the top of her lungs and didn’t stop for the next fifteen minutes until the ride was over. And so the name Holiday Hellride was born.

Wave Gotik Treffen: Part Zwei

What better time to write another Wave Gotik Treffen post than on this hideously rainy, dark, depressing, finals-filled day?

Since Wave Gotik Treffen is this weekend in Leipzig, Germany, I would like to celebrate all things  Gothic by posting some of the highlights from previous years.

Leipzig, Germany, Wave Gotik Treffen, WGT

Leipzig, Germany, Wave Gotik Treffen, WGT, City Hall

Leipzig, Germany, Wave Gotik Treffen, WGT, Dark Flower, Darkflower

Leipzig, Germany, Wave Gotik Treffen, WGT, Hocico

Leipzig, Germany, Wave Gotik Treffen, WGT, Dreamside

Leipzig, Germany, Wave Gotik Treffen, WGT, 2009

Leipzig, Germany, Wave Gotik Treffen, WGT

All of these photos were borrowed from SadGoth.com which is a great Web site if you’re looking for an unofficial guide to Wave Gotik Treffen. It features all the basics on how to get to Leipzig, where to stay, Newbie dos and don’ts, costs, and much more. I highly recommend it for anyone who’s even remotely curious about WGT.

My favorite make-up artist on YouTube, MissChievous, also has a Gothic make-up tutorial that I’ve posted here.

Hope you’ve enjoyed exploring the dark side a little further. Feel free to leave comments on anything you would like to see more of or any helpful suggestions you might have.

-Sarah

Fuddruckers, RuddFuck . . . nevermind

Fuddruckers, Ruddfuckers, Buttfuckers

As most of you know from my incessant promotion on Facebook and [possibly] Twitter, I am now a bartender at Fuddruckers on Broughton. Today is my fifth shift and I’m proud to report that I absolutely love it! No B.S. There are ups and downs, but it’s a great gig.

The cool thing is that in Georgia you don’t need a certificate/license or anything to do this job as far as I know. And being that today is Mother’s Day I hope to make something good. Maybe some hungover ladies want a Bloody Mary? I’m on it. Faux mimosa*? On it. I really want to use the blender today, so if you’re craving some frozen paradise, let me know!

I work the weekends:

  • Thursday: 50 cent drafts for college students. Bud, Bud Light, Michelob Ultra, Miller, Blue Moon, Yuengling, Newcastle and Sam Adams Noble Pils (seasonal ale).
  • Friday: Happy Hour 5-7. $1 off everything. Karaoke w/ my good friend Art.
  • Saturday: Happy Hour 5-7.
  • Sunday: same.

So if you’re in the neighborhood, stop in and see me! Grab a good drink and enjoy while I practice the Art of the Bar. (Thanks Brittany Vogel).

Oh yeah, there’s really good food too. Not just promo, it’s actually delicious.

Num Nums, cheeseburger, chzbrgr, Fuddruckers

*Natty Light and O.J. (Trust me!)

The Life: Spring Break 2010

After the extreme fun and excitement of deleting my Myspace account, I decided to head outdoors and enjoy the beautiful Florida weather. Although the days were warm, the nights were a bit chilly and I was kicking myself for only bringing a light sweater to protect me from the 58 degree frozen tundra.

My Spring break went a little something like this:

Thursday 3/11/10: Juarez $2 happy hour margaritas, dancing, writers’ party, Congress St., closed down the Jinx, and a warm shot of well whiskey that resulted in a quick puke. Off to a good start.

Frozen Margaritas, tequila, watermelon

Pay no mind to the watermelon.

Friday 3/12/10: Drive home to Melbourne, FL.

Sunday 3/14/10: Margaritas by the pool.

pool, Florida, palm tree, palm trees

Tuesday 3/16/10: Surf day. Oz and Dave decided to paddle out.

surf boards, surf, wax, sex wax, long board

surfing, surf, Melbourne Beach, Florida

I stayed behind to catch some sun. Unfortunately the clouds came out and the wind picked up, so I shivered for the entire hour. While I was shivering, a pelican landed about eight feet away from me.

Pelican

So that was pretty cool.

Friday 3/19/10: Badfish concert, House of Blues in Orlando. Badfish is a Sublime tribute band. If you close your eyes while they’re playing, it almost sounds like Bradley Nowell is up on stage singing his heart out. What an awesome experience.

Near the end of the concert, the lead singer, Pat Downes, walked off the stage. Just when everyone was like what the fuck, Downes rolled on stage in this contraption:

I found out later that it’s called a Zorb. If you have $1300 lying around and would like to purchase me one, that would be fantastic.

Saturday 3/20/10: Oz, his cousin Terry and I headed to down Jupiter, FL (about an hour south of Melbourne) where Terry lives. For the next couple of days it was fish city.

puffer fish, Jupiter

First catch of the day: Oz caught a little puffer fish. It was cool because you could hear the fish make little sucking sounds while he puffed up to ward off the predators (us).

Red Snapper

Second catch: Terry and his beautiful red snapper.

sting ray

sting ray

Shortly after, Oz reeled in a little sting ray. The ray was pissed and was whipping that tail around left and right. [Insert Steve Irwin joke here.] To unhook him, we had to pin his barb down with a broom. He was happy to be back in the water after that ordeal.

The next day, I caught what the boys thought was a perch. I really have no idea what it was but it was fun to catch.

*     *     *

I hope you enjoyed my adventures. It’s sad to think that now that I’m graduating college I’ll never have another Spring break again!

Attention: Job seekers

With graduation right around the corner, a lot of us have begun to embark on the job hunt. This post will [hopefully] be helpful to anyone looking for a job in non-profits, writing, editing, marketing/PR, and/or journalism.

I’ve compiled a list of job websites that I’ve found so far and have included a short description of each one and whether or not they are worth a damn.

Non-profits (big thanks to Elizabeth)

Jobs and Internships

  • Ed2010.com – This is my favorite for editorial jobs, internships and freelance jobs. They tend to have the coolest magazines like Inked and Interview.
  • Mediabistro.com – Great for jobs in Marketing and PR, as well as writing.
  • Folio.com
  • Studentcentral.comThis is SCAD’s Job Magnet Web site. Allows you to narrow your search in many different ways. I found an internship on this one that led to my first publication!
  • WashingtonPost.com – This one is site specific, but very good if you’re looking for jobs in the D.C. area.
  • Monster.com – Don’t forget about this guy!
  • Yahoo Jobs
  • Craigslist.comOf course. It’s a great idea to look for jobs in the cities you want to live in.

Travel Journalism

Government Jobs

  • USAJobs.com – This one’s great if you want to work for the man.

NPR lovers

It’s also a good idea to look at the newspapers’ Web sites of cities you want to live in. Of course, these are just a jumping-off point to get you started. I want to share the love because we’re all in the same boat right now.

Happy hunting!

Oregon Fail

Get ready for a blast from the past. It’s 1994 and you’re back in elementary school. It’s Wednesday, so it’s time to go to the computer lab for activity. You have your choice of three games: Reader Rabbit (weak), Math Blaster (super weak), or everyone’s favorite–Oregon Trail.

It’s funny, I never remember actually seeing the cover of the game at school, but when I looked it up on Amazon, I was astounded at how awesomely detailed the illustration is on the front compared to the graphics of the game.

One of the best parts about Oregon Trail is that you got to name all the people in your wagon after your friends. So when the inevitable “Jenny was bitten by a snake” pops up on the screen, you can laugh and point at Jenny. Or you could just name your characters “Poop” and “Boogers.”

There were always crazy things happening in the game:

  • You ford the river every time, no matter how deep, and lose all your shit because you’re a cheap-ass and don’t want to pay for the ferry.
  • Suzy gets a broken shin bone.
  • You never buy extra wheels, and then, of course, you break a fucking wheel.
  • Somebody always gets typhoid fever and you spent all your money on hookers, so you can’t buy medicine for them.
  • You go out and shoot 50,000 buffalo like it’s fucking Duck Hunt or something. Then all your meat goes bad and you get dysentery.
  • You catch a venereal disease from one of the Indians.
  • You smoke peyote with Chief Black Foot and he jacks all your shit.

But it was always the best when this message came up:

No matter how you played the game, you never fucking made it to Oregon. And if you did, everyone hated you. In fact, we still do.