The lox debacle

Two weeks ago I was in Cocoa Village after an appointment and decided to eat lunch at my favorite restaurant in the area, Ossorio.

Ossorio, downtown Cocoa, Cocoa village, Florida, cafe, lox

Ossorio is a cute little cafe right one the corner of Brevard Avenue and Harrison Street. Every time I’ve eaten there it’s been nothing short of delicious . . . until now.

Because I am participating in the Summer Meltdown 2010 weight loss program, I decided to keep my lunch very light. So I ordered a salad. The Francoise Salad to be exact. This salad boasted thinly-sliced salmon over a bed of spring greens with roasted asparagus, a lemon vinaigrette dressing and a small baguette.  The baguette was the best part.

In Ossorio’s defense, this salad debacle was my own damn fault. I was going to order the salad with bacon and blue cheese crumbles, but I went for the healthier option. I opted for the salmon, even though the boy at the register warned me without warning me about it. Here’s how it went down:

Me: Can I have the Francoise Salad, please?

Register boy: Have you had our salmon before? (This should have been my clue to order something different.)

Me: No.

RB: It’s salt-cured.

Me: [Blank stare]

RB: It’s lox.

Me: [Pausing for a brief, agonizing moment] That’s fine.

But it was not fine. The girl brought over my salad, I took one look and thought Shit, what have I done? It was a plate full of slimy salmon.

Thinly-sliced salt salmon. I’ve had prepackaged Starkist salmon better than this crap. It was chewy and fishy beyond belief. Normally I’m O.K. with the flavor of salmon, but this was just vile.

Then I realized that what I was eating was not even really that healthy. It was very salty which meant that it would make me retain water and even raise my blood pressure. Great.

I resolved to eat at least all of the vegetables and some of the salmon, which I did, but it was rough. Eating a bite of the baguette with the salmon made it a bit more bearable, and now I understand why people eat lox primarily on bagels. Not on salads.

Next time I visit Ossorio, I’m sticking with a whole wheat flat bread pizza. That’s the way to go.


Everyone says America is the fattest country. I can’t imagine why.

I say screw that measly salad! Get your blood pressure pills ready and unbutton your pants, because I’m going to take you on a journey through the fattest of the fat.

The Cowboy Cafe Barnyard: Two 1/2 pound beef patties, pulled pork BBQ, bacon, 2 slices of cheddar cheese and a fried egg.

Bacon-wrapped Totinos pizza rolls

Corndog Eggroll

Ravioli stuffed with barbecued rib meat and mashed potatoes, sour cream, bacon and chives, all topped with melted cheddar, bacon, cheese sauce, green onions and shredded cheese.

I borrowed all of these images from my new favorite Web site, ThisIsWhyYou’ Isn’t it funny how some things can make you extremely grossed out, but also strangely hungry at the same time? In the spirit of being fat, I dug up some old photos of creations made at Fat Wednesday–a family tradition that began at Robbie Ripoll‘s house more than three years ago. Here’s what I found:

An 8 lb. turkey burger in the making

Although I wasn’t at this particular Fat Wednesday (thanks  SCAD), Oz updated me periodically with pictures. They baked the buns with four boxes of bread, two for each half, and combined eight pounds of ground turkey (ironic?) to make the patty. Then it was time to dig in.

As you can see, the burger turned into quite the hot mess.

While we’re on the subject of the fattest foods ever, let take a trip on down to Taco Town!

Happy eating everyone!

Baltimore wedding

The second wedding I went to was on Sunday in Baltimore and was for my aunt Ellen and her fiance Barry. Ellen’s friend Vicky, Grandmom and I helped Ellen get dressed in the upstairs portion of the Elkridge Furnace Inn.


Ellen putting on her veil.


Ellen and Grandmom standing by the window overlooking the courtyard.

It rained the whole day, but right before the outdoor ceremony at 2 p.m., the rain stopped and the sun came out. Ellen asked me to read a poem during their ceremony.

LOVE By Roy Croft
I love you,
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.

I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me.

I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out;
I love you
For putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can’t help
Dimly seeing there,
And for drawing out
Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else had looked
Quite far enough to find.

I love you because you
Are helping me to make
Of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern
But a temple;
Out of the works
Of my every day
Not a reproach
But a song.

I love you
Because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good,
And more than any fate
To make me happy.

You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.
You have done it
By being yourself.

After the ceremony, we had hors d’oeuvres and cocktails while the Ellen and Barry took pictures. Then we had a delicious dinner:

  • Salad: Poached pears, dried cranberries, toasted pecans and blue cheese over baby spinach with a champagne vinaigrette.
  • My Entree: Airline chicken breast served with a red cabbage, apple and sumac slaw, apply brandy butter sauce and a savory walnut and onion bread pudding.

The food was to die for.  After dinner Ellen and Barry danced to “How sweet it is to be loved by you,” by James Taylor, and the night was over.

My gift to them was an portrait painted in oils that measured 22×28 inches.