Everyone says America is the fattest country. I can’t imagine why.

I say screw that measly salad! Get your blood pressure pills ready and unbutton your pants, because I’m going to take you on a journey through the fattest of the fat.

The Cowboy Cafe Barnyard: Two 1/2 pound beef patties, pulled pork BBQ, bacon, 2 slices of cheddar cheese and a fried egg.

Bacon-wrapped Totinos pizza rolls
Corndog Eggroll
Ravioli stuffed with barbecued rib meat and mashed potatoes, sour cream, bacon and chives, all topped with melted cheddar, bacon, cheese sauce, green onions and shredded cheese.

I borrowed all of these images from my new favorite Web site, ThisIsWhyYou’reFat.com. Isn’t it funny how some things can make you extremely grossed out, but also strangely hungry at the same time? In the spirit of being fat, I dug up some old photos of creations made at Fat Wednesday–a family tradition that began at Robbie Ripoll‘s house more than three years ago. Here’s what I found:

An 8 lb. turkey burger in the making

Although I wasn’t at this particular Fat Wednesday (thanks  SCAD), Oz updated me periodically with pictures. They baked the buns with four boxes of bread, two for each half, and combined eight pounds of ground turkey (ironic?) to make the patty. Then it was time to dig in.

As you can see, the burger turned into quite the hot mess.

While we’re on the subject of the fattest foods ever, let take a trip on down to Taco Town!

Happy eating everyone!

Phil Hartman, we love and miss you.

I remember sitting around the TV on Saturday nights when my parents and I would watch Saturday Night Live. In later years, we would watch the SNL re-runs that came on E! and proceed to quote them for the rest of the week. One of my favorite people on SNL was Phil Hartman because his humor was smart and understated.

A throwback to 1989: Eugene, the Anal Retentive Chef.

And another favorite from 1991: Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer.

Rest in peace, Phil.

Celebrity Jeopardy

This is another classic Saturday Night Live clip. It features:

  • Will Ferrell as Alex Trebek
  • Darrell Hammond as Sean Connery
  • Norm MacDonald as Burt Reynolds
  • Jimmy Fallon as French Stewart (the guy from “Third Rock from the Sun”)

I love that one of the Jeopardy categories is “Movies that start with the word ‘Jaws.'” Classic.

Commercial Parodies

I’ve started off with a fairly basic SNL lesson that should be a review for most of you. Chris Farley’s Motivational Speaker clip from 1993 is a classic and should serve as a warm-up exercise. Now I’m going to shift gears to a different segment of the course entitled:

Lesson 2: Commercial Parodies

“HiberNol” Season 18 (1992-93)

“Old Glory Robot Insurance” Season 21 (1995-96)

“Oops I crapped my pants” Season 24 (1998-99)

“Mom Jeans” Season 28 (2002-03)

SNL 101

Saturday Night Live is dying. It’s dying a slow, horrible death and we all know it. We watch it for Andy Samberg’s digital shorts, that’s it.

That is why I’m introducing a new segment on this blog entitled SNL 101. This is where I will post videos of old Saturday Night Live segments that I think everyone should know and love as much as I do. If you’ve already seen these videos, I will not apologize, but rather commend you for your superior knowledge of the show.

Lesson 1: Chris Farley as Matt Foley, Motivational Speaker.

Chris Farley and Patrick Swayze auditioning for Chippendales. (I apologize for the poor quality.)

The French Fry skit