The Paper Route


There was a point when I was in elementary school that my mom was pretty much my best friend. When I first started school and she still had her paper route she would sometimes let me stay home sick so we could play hooky. We’d get McDonald’s for lunch and rent movies like Splash from Blockbuster. We’d laugh and joke. Probably make fun of things as we were wont to do. There’s a scene from the movie “Say Anything” when Diane Court’s father is trying to figure out what’s going on with her and he implores her, “You know you can say anything to me.” That’s how it was with my parents, I could say anything to them. 

I remember once I got old enough to start going out with friends and start making big girl mistakes they sat me down and told me: No matter what you do, what happens in your life whether you kill someone, get pregnant, rob a bank, anything. We will help you. I never forgot that.

Trailer Haven

When I was really little, before I started school, mom worked a paper route and many times I would go with her. She would wake me up at three in the morning, make us each a cherry Pop-Tart wrapped in a napkin and a little glass of milk for the road. We would drive out to a bank where all the paper deliverers met and rolled their papers for the morning. Then we would drive through the Trailer Haven trailer park while it was still pitch dark and mom would cruise through the lanes and whip the papers out the window of her Toyota while she played Fleetwood Mac. Continue reading “The Paper Route”

Sound City: A Non-Review

sound city cover, sound city, sound city dvd

Why a non-review? I actually learned once in The Long, Long Ago how to write a film review and this is most certainly not that. Being that I’m a bit of a Dave Grohl fangirl, this post will be completely biased. However, I promise The Foo Fighters actually have very little to do with this review, so rest easy, hoss.

Nirvana, nirvana nevermind, nevermind album coverSound City is a documentary, directed by Dave Grohl, that is all about the San Fernando Valley recording studio of the same name. Incorporated in 1969, Sound City Studios has used their completely analog technique to record more than 100 gold and platinum albums over the years including Nirvana’s Nevermind. Continue reading “Sound City: A Non-Review”

Charm City Trip: Murals, Records, and the Sexiest Chicken ‘n’ Waffles Ever

Last week I took a trip out to Baltimore to see some family for Christmas. I flew out Christmas morning and had the pleasure of enjoying the soothing sounds of a screaming baby for the first 30 minutes. And we all know how much I love children.

A Little History

I was born in Baltimore at St. Agnes hospital. It was around the time of Independence Day and my mom told me that she could see fireworks over the Inner Harbor from her hospital window.

Baltimore's Inner Harbor
Baltimore’s Inner Harbor

My parents moved us down to Florida when I was three months old, but I would fly up to visit my grandparents in Baltimore every summer starting at age nine. Continue reading “Charm City Trip: Murals, Records, and the Sexiest Chicken ‘n’ Waffles Ever”

A Good Ol’ Sunday Matine

I had already been to the beach multiple times in the past week and my skin was beginning to look like Magda’s from “There’s Something About Mary”

Lin Shaye, Magda from There's Something About Mary, Magda, too-tan skin, leather skin

so yesterday my mom and I decided to go to a movie. There weren’t many viable options. We had to choose between “Limitless” and “Red Riding Hood.” We could have seen “The King’s Speech” but as it turns out, I don’t give a fuck about a king with a speaking problem, even if it is Colin Firth. My mom and I both like Amanda Seyfried so we decided to see “Red Riding Hood.” Continue reading “A Good Ol’ Sunday Matine”

United States of Tara

U.S. of Tara is by far my favorite show on television.

United States of Tara, U.S. of Tara, Toni Collette
Tara's personalities from left: Buck, Alice, Tara and T

I’m not a huge TV person, so that statement might not carry a lot of clout, but take my word for it. It’s awesome. Written and created by Diablo Cody, the creator of Juno, U.S. of Tara is extremely well-written and much deeper than her previous work. Now in its second season, the show airs Monday nights at 10:30 p.m. on Showtime. But no worries, if you’re poor like me, you can watch it for free online here, but you didn’t hear it from me.

Tara (played by Toni Collette) is a woman and mother of two with dissociative identity disorder (formerly known as multiple personality disorder). The subject matter is very similar to the made-for-television movie Sybil (1976).

U.S. of Tara, Toni Collette, BuckBuck is Tara’s gun-loving, beer-chugging, redneck alter personality. He plays a huge, plot-changing role in the second season.

U.S. of Tara, United States of Tara, Alice, Toni Collette

Alice is a parody of Bree from Desperate Housewives. She bakes non-stop, interferes with her kids’ school lives, and even washes her daughter’s mouth out with soap.

United States of Tara, T, Toni Collette And finally we have T. This is Tara’s teenage gum-chewing, thong-wearing alter.

Tara’s personalities are all very different, but somehow strangely relatable.

If you’re new to the show, I strongly recommend starting from the beginning. Since the show is only in its second season, it won’t be hard to catch up.

Although Tara’s alters are fairly one-dimensional, that’s O.K., because the rest of the characters on the show are very complex. Episode four of the new season shows a whole new side of Max, Tara’s husband (played by John Corbett).

As with any Showtime series, there is a lot of stuff going on, many plot lines interwoven, but they’re all so interesting and subversive, it’s easy to catch on.

Labeled by critics as a “dark comedy”, Tara is completely original in that it picks up where other movies like Sybil and The Three Faces of Eve leave off.

Those movies end with the patient being diagnosed and struggling to cope. Tara, however, opens with the fact that she’s already been diagnosed and is living happily. Happily until she goes off of her meds.

The second season is just as awesome as the first, especially the most recent: episode four. It had my stomach flip-flopping and caused me to bite off all of my barely-there nails. I won’t give away any details, but there are some major plot twists in that episode. I mean, wow.

United States of Tara is like no other show I’ve ever seen. With all the remakes and cover songs being produced today, it’s nice to know that there is still original content being written.

Well done, Diablo Cody.

The Innocents

A few weeks ago, we watched a movie called The Innocents in our World Masterpieces class. It was filmed in 1961 in black and white and was the most disturbing movie I’ve seen in years.

The Innocents is about a British woman who accepts the job as a governess for two children. She moves in with them and things start to go awry.

I have yet to see Children of the Corn, but for me, this movie features the creepiest children ever recorded on film.

Flora, The Innocents

This is Flora. There always happens to be awesomely spooky music playing while she tilts her head and smiles. This usually signals some kind of ominous foreshadowing. She also sings a lot in this movie. To me, the sound of children singing might possibly be the worst thing in the world.

Miles, The Innocents

Yeah, that’s right.

My thoughts on Drew Barrymore

I used to think that I hated Drew Barrymore because of Charlie’s Angels,  her stupid palsy face, and for doing stuff like this:

I still kind of hate her, but after having a recent discussion with my friends, I’ve come to the startling realization that I may like Drew Barrymore. I know, it makes me cringe too, but let me explain:

  1. I loved “Ever After.” It’s a beautiful dream-like movie that I used to watch over and over when I was younger.
  2. I may be the only person in world who actually watched, let alone liked the movie “Never Been Kissed.”
  3. I absolutely love “The Wedding Singer.” It is one of my favorite pseudo ’80s movies of all time. It’s one of those movies that, if it’s on, I’ll drop everything to watch.
  4. “Donnie Darko”
  5. “Whip It” was actually not that bad either. If you can get over the awfulness of Ellen Page (which some people can’t) it’s worth it. Maybe I just liked it because of the roller derby factor, who knows?

In any account, I felt it was necessary to share my feelings on the subject.


I have something really embarrassing to admit . . .

. . . I like Pauly Shore movies. There, I said it. Berate me if you will, but it’s true. I should really say that I like all Pauly Shore movies made between the years 1992 and 1996. These include such gems as “Encino Man,” “Son in Law,” “In the Army Now” and “Bio-dome.” All classics in my opinion, but those are the only ones. I’ve never seen a more recent Pauly Shore movie than “Bio-Dome,” and I never will.

Most people will cringe at the sound of his voice or even the thought of him, but I love it. I think he’s hilarious and should be given more credit.

Now Stephen Baldwin is another story. He reminds me of the “Family Guy” episode that shows Alec Baldwin breastfeeding his brothers. He looks over and says (in his Alec Baldwin voice) “Eat up Stephen, you’re the weakest.” So true.

Anyhow, here’s to you Pauly Shore. Please never make another movie again. Especially if you’re wearing this outfit.