Random
-
My idea of camping is staying at a Howard Johnson
Don’t forget the out-of-tune acoustic guitar so someone can stumble through shoddy renditions of Third Eye Blind songs around the campfire. Continue reading
-
Jury Selection: The Olympics of Crazy
“Yes I understand that the minor traffic infraction you committed when you were 15 put you under great duress. Now will you be able to set that aside and listen to the evidence of this case?” Continue reading
-
Melissa Witt | A Tribute to the Gold Standard of Friends
Yesterday I stood at the gravesite at Rest Haven Memorial Cemetery in Louisville, Kentucky in the pouring rain and said goodbye to one of the dearest people that I’ve ever had the privilege of calling a friend. Continue reading
-
I Smoked Weed in an Uber
Yesterday I had plans to meet a friend for drinks at a German joint called Der Biergarten in downtown Atlanta. Not wanting to deal with downtown parking or driving after a few steinfuls, I booked an Uber to pick me up from my house in Cabbagetown. Immediately after hitting “Request UberX” the driver calls me. Continue reading
-
The Paper Route
I don’t think Mom delivered papers much longer after that night, but it was definitely the most punk rock thing I had ever seen. Continue reading
-
The Joys of Moving
It’s that time of the year, folks: Moving Season. I have a question, why the fuck does everyone wait until it is 106 degrees outside with humidity to rival the Amazon to move? Fortunately, we don’t have to worry about that in Atlanta. Oh, wait. Continue reading
-
Mary Kay: Like a Cult, But Without the Animal Sacrifice
Last night I had the single most horrifying experience of my life. It didn’t involve a severed human torso or carnies with brown Chiclet teeth; those things I can handle. This experience took me completely out of my comfort zone and into some alternate universe where faces are spackled and painted, each hair is frozen Continue reading
-
The True Form of Paula Deen
Thanks to a link on Facebook posted by my old SCAD buddy, Josh Buckner, I have found another tool that my archnemesis is using to woo innocent people into her clutches. Those who know me know of my long-standing fear and loathing of the she-devil that is Paula Deen. Continue reading
-
Adventures in Bill Collecting
I have joined the ranks of the unemployed once again. Let me regale you with the tale of my most recent escapade into the frightening and confusing world of work. It started the same way most of my jobs begin: with sheer desperation. I went over to a friend’s house one Friday night about a Continue reading
What Sarah Said 